i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
