I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
