Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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