Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
