Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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