I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My ass is underappreciated
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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