the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
