So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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