So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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