been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My breasts were aching with rage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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