The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
