I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
