T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
