i don't like sucking hair
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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