i jhust puked up my retainher.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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