I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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