You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
