very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
