She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
