we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
