so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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