You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
