No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
