Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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