We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
