She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
