she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
