Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
