remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
