Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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