i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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