Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
