Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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