dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
