Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
