In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
