I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
