giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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