I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
