I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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