Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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