Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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