I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
