Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Someone came in the potted fern
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
