we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
