Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
