I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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