The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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