I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
