everyone is single if you try hard enough
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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