Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
