I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
