Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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